I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
