I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
