her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
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I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
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You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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