a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
