Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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