She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We are two peas in an std pod
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
pray to the hookup gods
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
