Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
