but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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