your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
