Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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