I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
