I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize