hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
