Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
