u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
