I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
