Non-Jews are for practice
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
