i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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