You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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