Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
