Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
