I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
