my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
