i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
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