I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
try to milk me bitch
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
