I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
