You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
