the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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