i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
