should my penis look like a turkey
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
But break dance skills will only take you so far
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
