Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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