u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Randomize
