So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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