No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
