Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
