I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
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