Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
