I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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