it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
