Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
