So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Randomize
