i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
