I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
