To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
