I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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