With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
