My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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