We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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