Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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