He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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