I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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