You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
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I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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